Cheese Doodle Ranking 2016

Terms

Texture – can range from packing peanuts to cylindrical rods of sandpaper roughness. If you feel as if the roof of your mouth is going to bleed by the end of the bag they’re too rough.

Cheese Profile – is produced by the unique formulations of doodle dust used to coat the doodle. It’s a delicate balance between salt, cheddar and sawdust.

Tasted Doodles

Carolina Country Snacks Baked Cheese Curls – poor
For all intents and purposes this snack is an orange packing peanut. Smaller than the average doodle, covered in sawdust, and entirely pointless. The bag has Jesus quotes on it, begging the question whether they are praying for our souls or forgiveness.

Herr’s – good
Taste profile is primarily that of salt with soupcon of cheese underneath.
Texture rough

Herr’s Honey Cheese – nope
Chuck likes them, I think they’re weird. It’s a doodle coated in brown sugar. Doesn’t even leave your fingers orange.

Toms – serviceable I guess – I don’t really like them
Tastes like they’re going for a sharp cheddar profile but it ranges from non-existent to an almost sour wisp of cheese. Might be appealing after drinking a lot of beer from a plastic pitcher whilst bowling. Which upon reflection, unless you want to leave your balls* orange, would be inadvisable.
Texture is big and a little rough. Like Garth Brooks scolding his step-children in front of a Cinnabon at the mall.

Utz Baked Cheddar Cheese Curls – ultimately disappointing
Cheese flavor is quite good
Texture is a nightmare. It’s like over-cooked air. As if their baking process involves leaving trays of doodle dough inside Chernobyl until they take on the air of a thousand tiny sharpened knives. Plus I’m more nauseous than usual after eating.

Wise – serviceable
Cheese flavor negligible
Texture pretty good  

*No, I don’t think I’m being subtle.